The White Christmas

The season is almost fading away when I am making a genuine effort to scribble. "Winter" - the most handsome season of the year. Love to see the winters. As folks say most unusual for a person like me, raised in a tropical country and one of the most humid states where the word winter is just confined to books. This may be the reason why I have a strong desire for the season.

It snows very less in Charlotte compared to most of the other places in US. The Last Christmas day (2010) was a prime one, as it was welcomed with snow. The city looked awesome covered in white bed. I could map it to the traces of heaven I see in my dreams. The moment it showered, I was at one of the townships near my place with my friend. The place looked awesome with all the Christmas decors. The huge Christmas tree, the Santa with his chariot, the rein deers, it was nothing less than a perfect Christmas town. The folks around were decked up in their best winter attires.

Starbucks seemed to be the most happening eat outs that moment as it can be none other than a coffee which can serve you the best in the cold. Starbucks treated us with classic taste of their brewed coffee. Most of the shops and boutiques in the street were closed as it was a holiday. How I wished they were open and I could grab some of the best outfits that were displayed. Every time I get these temptations - they are tagged by the scenes of the movie "Confessions of a Shopaholic". A walk around the street in the cold breeze was refreshing. I wrapped myself two fold inside my coat.

The chillness was not an annoyance when it came to the snow fight. I showed up more to the receiving end irrespective of my sincere efforts to attack my friend. The residents would have been the most pleased to see their car tops being cleaned up. I remember making a small snow man on the table top, which barely looked like one. We drove through the residential area near the place. There were those amazing houses which had lake front. Reminded me those pretty castles in the Disney Movies. We saved some clicks to remember the beautiful Christmas. The day was completed with an awesome Indian dinner, wrapped by with an Italian Tiramisu.

It was definitely one of the memorable days of my life and a million thanks to my friend for making it happen.

Just Me

It is all me in this pretty big apartment, luxurious enough for a single soul. My friend and X-Roommate shifted to her new apartment. Not sure of the exact reason on why I am not frantically looking for a new roommate to share the apartment. Strongest reason being it will take a bunch of quality time for me to get adjusted to the new person and I am in no mood for a brand new start. Also I am hoping to bid BYE to the place soon.

As I have mentioned, it just me in the big den and a few corners of the house I use, the rest remain all dark and un-attacked. With lot of people around always I have never found time to do anything that have been planned. It was a bit odd in the beginning where I started to realize the difference – the biggest agony being that I have no one to speak to. Daily chores have become a time table to me. Have started my cooking efforts religiously as it is the question of existence. Fixing myself in a room and spending hours on the laptop is not very interesting too. A set of new things have crept in now, which keeps me engaged these days. Most of them may sound lunatic but since there is no one to comment or compliment I have no regrets.

A random cleaning drive which is caused by an unexpected sight of the messy room. It is never cleaned completely, but the process goes on till I get distracted by a phone call or a guest.

Count the number of outfits I have. The big count upsets about myself shifting to any place, as the thought of abandoning one of the them is killing. I will keep trying out all those dresses which I have not worn for a while. This makes me feel good about the choices I have made “once up on a time”.

Try out some different cuisine – sometimes it will be a Thai Redd Curry or a Italian delicacy. Browsing through the net for that recipe for which I have all the ingredients is a tedious task. At last I throw off the idea of following the food book. Try to fit the dish with my limited cooking knowledge.

Hunt all over my iPod to find that song, which can set my feet moving. Listening to the same song some X number of times and designing dance moves. I keep reminding myself the different dance forms I want to master given an opportunity.

Play loud music of all those songs which I love to listen to. I know there is no one in the whole house who I can annoy.

Call up all those friends, whose phone numbers I can find– I bet they will be wondering at my unexpected thrive towards regaining old contacts. I swear I miss all my friends and really want to keep in touch. Laziness at its zenith took over me which often make these things difficult.

Do all bits and pieces of the craft arena I have collected over years and never worked on. If it is a woolen muffler to be knitted today, it’s a scrap book tomorrow.

Watching those serials which I have watched long back all over again, which bring me memories of my school and college friends. Also trying to complete all the backlog of movies that I wanted to watch. The star cast and story is never a question – It serves to kill my time.

There are many more of them which gets added on a daily basis to the list. It was strange for me when it started off being all alone. But now I feel good about it as there is more time I invest for myself. Helps me understand how silly I can behave and how serious I can mould back to. Rather than phrasing it All Alone, I love to call it – “Just Me”

Hate to be Rude

Being rude to anyone or anything is insane coz it neither make you happy nor the receiving end. In turn it serves you with a disturbing mind. A self analysis gives me an impression that I cannot be angry or upset with someone for a longer time. Moreover I am a person who speak a lot, A LOT :-). Even if there are disputes within friends or family, I am the peace maker. Being victim of someone’s anger is very depressing. I have been in that state many a time and I know how it feels. My previous posts regarding the college lecturer is one of the case.

What made me write this post – has a specific reason. I wanted to write or rather confess about something that has happened some time back. The episode is a lot old, and hard to remember the exact details. I was doing my under graduation – Pre-Degree to be specific. I joined a Women’s college which was near my house. I was forced to join the college, as it was the same place where my Mom studied and she had lot of acquaintances. I hated the college at the first place, it looked to me like a nursery school where more than new faces, I could find people knew my whole history. Initial days were very hard, as I was not able to find much friends or rather I never invested time on it. Slowly started to jell with the atmosphere and was lucky enough to win a handful of friends who were too dear to me. We were a gang of 6 girls, and almost never allowed anyone to peek into the group.

That is when I met “Ms S” in college. Sorry for the fact that I am a bit reluctant to reveal her name. She was in the same class as I was. She tried to get close with me and my gang, which my friends never gave space for. Myself and “S” went for the same tuition classes, where we met very often. I felt it real bad for avoiding her all the whole in spite of her being really nice and caring to me. My poor heart, rather I would say –“dumb heart”, decided to take her as my friend. Later we came to know that she was a very distant relative of mine. I started helping her in studies, and stood by her whenever she had problems. My parents were not very pleased with my friendship with her and neither my friends were happy about it. I used to get scolding for getting her home and visiting her place. My friends used to constantly warn me on what a person she was and that she cannot be trusted. Irrespective of all the advices, I decided to support her.

I don’t know when things started changing and by the time I realized, it was way too late. There were lot of issues to which I was pushed into related to “S”. Many people told me about the ill words that she had spread about me. I kept defending her to the certain point till I got to witness incidents myself. It was hard for me to believe and accept the fact she could backbite on me. Some explained it as jealousy or being eccentric. It was not easy for me to forget the whole thing, as I could find no single reason for which I could have been mean to her. It took me a long time to get out of the impact as I was scared to believe anyone or anything. I had my friends standby me and support me through out.

Under Grad days were almost ending and I got into one of the most prestigious college for pursuing my engineering. I got into the branch I wanted and was very happy with the environment. “S” also joined the same college for another stream. We used to take rides in the same college bus, see each other every single day. Never have I uttered a word or pay her a distant look. She did make her best efforts to make up for the damage she had done. I never granted a opportunity that she could speak to me. There were mediators who tried to talk peace, which never went through. I can’t recollect myself being so rude and arrogant with anyone or anything. Moreover I had no regrets on what I have been doing. My college life went all great, good friends, descent marks, a handsome job when I walked out of the college. I knew that she had no good scores, no job and was going through a bad time. My marriage was fixed and I made it certain that she and her family was not invited for any of those. It was not any grudge and never have I cursed her. More than being stubborn, I had a numbness towards the whole thing. I did not want any of those memories to creep in and break my harmony. It will be a wonder if I am successful in posting this blog, as this is not the first attempt to write about the same.

It is some 10 years crossed now, there have been huge transformations in me – mostly positive and that helped me cross my kiddoo behavior. I still try to weigh it, this one still sticks to its old. Some things never change!!

I am Scared of hmm...

If you ask me this question ever – “Are you scared of anything?”, you will get a confused look. It is not because I have the confusion on ‘What to convey?’ but on ‘What ALL to convey?’.I am scared of almost all the things I see around. I try to put up that Ms Serious looks everywhere. But those incidents that reveal the ‘Real Me’ just pops up everything. Many make fun of the way I behave and there are some who try to scare me more. My better half thinks that most of them are my illusion and I never make any sincere effort to get out of it. I do not blame him for this :-( .

Just rolling back to few of the incidents. I have a huge – huge scare for heights. May it be a small hill or the corner of a tall building or even a big mountain that is XXXXXX ft height, it is all the same. One look down, my vision blacks out. The time my husband and I visited The Grand Canyon - one of the most famous and beautiful tourist spots in the world, rather putting efforts to pose for the best snap, I was worried about a random wind or some thrust that would pull me down the valley!! When we go for trekking, to hop from one rock to another – irrespective of the size of the rock, I start stretching hands for help.

Thunder Storms and Lightening, another piece that freaks me out totally. I love the rain, but can’t fight the thunder bolts. At my place when it storms and there is heavy rain with thunder – two people seize the best possible shelters, Myself – on the bed with two pillows covering my ears hard so that it leaves no chance for the least possible noise. The second candidate was Julie – our doggie. She was equally scared, and used to hide below a couch or bed. The chill of fear is still there when I hear the same symphony.

Insects, reptiles and all kind of “Not So Good looking” creatures. Sometime I feel that can handle the King of Jungle (Lion) in a better way than a cockroach or a spider. The most dangerous dream I can ever witness is a Snake. One of such dreams can upset me so hard that I lose sleep for rest of the night. Seeing programs in National Geographic or Discovery was a pain when these were described. Mostly options open are to run off from the TV or switch channels.

The most lunatic part of my Scare list was none other than Horror Movies. You have no idea how much interest I show to watch a ghost movie. I try to pep up the crowd to opt for horror movies. Whoever takes me for the movie, by the end of the movie used to make up their minds never to fall for my words again. For them the more scarier part was seeing me scream and panic than the movie clips. For major part of the movie, my head would be covered behind the pop corn basket or the seat cushion. After effects of the movie are – scared to sleep alone, seeing ghost like images for one’s own shadow, a restart of the fridge compressor giving the feel of an intruder inside the apartment.

The list goes on and on and on. Most of them are real stupid to even disclose. Being a scary piggy, I lose to do most of the exciting things. I am gonna put my sincere efforts to work on these phobias. If not a cure, atleast reduce its effect!...

Not Another Monday!

I am scared to turn back and think about yesterday. Right from the start of the day, everything was going disastrous. It was not something new for me, hunting for a formals to wear. Since it is the ‘Fun Day’ Monday, and I usually try to fit into my best attire. Suddenly felt like my whole wardrobe was empty and everything was out for wash!...With greater efforts I could manage to find out some outfit. Clock was ticking so fast that it was almost striking 9:45 AM. Hopes of a peaceful breakfast was then out of question. I had to find a person to go with to office. I started dialing number after number to reach someone. Unusual and to my bad luck, most of the calls were getting directed to voice messages!!!. Whoever I could speak were either working from home or already reached office. At last I could reach one of my colleagues who was about to start to office. It felt to me that, I was so lucky to get hold of someone who could get me to office. The series of events that happened after that can explain to its best why I was dragged to office.

After I reached the office, I could find that I have scooted one meeting which I was supposed to attend. It was not a deliberate act, but sheer poor memory. My whole outlook showed up a big screen of unread emails, most of which were flagged. There were notes to me with so called “Friendly Reminder”, which alarmed me that ‘One more time you fail to respond – It is an escalation’. Before I could settled down, I got requests to create some random documents in a span of some 30mts. Rather than the marathon effort, I had very less idea of what has to be documented. It was now time to get into a review meeting. I got bombarded with so many comments and questions on the technology part (different from what I am working on). More than getting confused and being ignorant on what has to be conveyed, I was getting annoyed as I was digging into things which took me nowhere. There were a bunch of people who had questions and question for me..and poor me left with no options to cook up explanations. I swear I don’t remember a work what I spoke then. When we were almost at the end of the discussion and there comes the next comet. My laptop is stuck and all that has been updated to the document is gone. The team would have freaked out hearing my stupid reason. I had no other way but to reschedule the meeting and grab my colleague’s laptop to work on. Almost by the time I was done with the updates, I see my laptop back up!.. The very sight of the machine urged me to break it into pieces. Then it came to my mind that I even missed my appointment with the eye specialist that day for the contact lenses. I left the idea of calling up the clinic as it was way too late to think about it.

By this time I could find everyone disperse for lunch. I too decided to grab some food as my stomach was all growling. Hunger was as it its peak and I really wanted to eat something good. Picked up some Mexican cuisine – which I customized adding all kinds of toppings and dressings. Eating the whole thing was un-imaginable and I almost threw the whole food. After the pathetic attempt lunching I forced myself back to work. Struggled the rest of the day to complete atleast a portion of my To-Do list, which did not happen. My MOC (MS Office communicator), being the most used application in my laptop at that time – showed me some 30 open conversations. Either it is a random person asking for a doubt, or a project team waiting for updates. Worst is when you find people who have not showed up for a long while, or cared to acknowledge start pinging you, checking for your well-being.

I could find that, my regular pass-times, Face book webpage was not even open, and I see my iPod lie at the corner of my desk unnoticed. When it was almost 6 in the eve, I decided to wrap and get home. The whole evening I spend working, trying to respond to all the emails. It felt like I am just back to work after a long vacation. Having lost all my serene approach to work, it really reminded all the stupid homework teachers used to give during school time. I had no one to blame on or anything specific to crib about. After all the slogging, I managed to sleep. Un-believable that even my sleep granted me another crappy Monday. Disturbed from sleep when I woke up, I could see the day light and it was already morning – I wished not a Monday again!!