Friday, July 26, 2013

Can of Emotions

I am still not able to rate or range my reach towards emotions. It is not that I am a blunt, cold and a cranky one. With my best of interest, always make sure that I never land up hurting anyone. There are fall-outs here and there, but they sure are un-intentional.
Worked as a team lead of a fairly good team with my previous company. It was a tough press with a lot of challenging work, stress-cramped environment and conflicting personalities. Things were almost on the fire line every hour of the day and incident that fuels the anger, pricking my nerves tempting me to yell and let it out. Have stayed composed most of the times, while I keep counting from 1 to 10. Not sure who put this in my brains that it helps to tone down yourself counting numbers. Not supporting the theory but am positive that it aids to divert from the trigger.

 There were times, when I have got stuck with the worst of problems. A word war or even fights with the dearest, the most wanted things slip and you stay helpless watching them, loss of people and even relations, those panic attacks. I stay stiff and stony, consoling myself that it happened and I will be able to handle them. I guess this grew in me with the age. I stay aloof and quiet for a while, until I assure myself past the phase. Hate it displaying my emotions and playing weak, and craving for the consoling. I respect providing space to a person during hard hours, rather join them mourning and make them feel more miserable.

 Many a time, have had my mother mention that ‘You will understand when you have a kid and you are at my position’. I have seriously thought about it – growing old and having a kid and things laying up the same way. I am sure that the way I would act then, will be close to what I think now.

 The maximum of emotions I spend is through the writing. It helps me flush off the unhandled and the disturbing facts. You write with a rage, and it helps you boil down the madness. The most important being the one source which does not speak back J.

Friday, July 12, 2013

New Phase

It had been a thought always, but finally happened. Quitting from my first company – Infosys. It was a biggie, leaving the familiar places and the people. The new one I took up, far from the boundaries I have known so far – St. Paul in Minnesota. Central America – an hour behind the timing I am used to. It’s quite a change, and still trying to fit myself in. The bare time I get is immense, trying to figure out what to do. I was running short of time for everything in Charlotte. Missing everything I knew off. Sambhu, home, friends, the streets, the fun and all that is possible. I have started bugging people, calling em up and forcing them to speak. Messaging service in my phone is kicking its heights of performance. Trying to substitute the solitude with the virtual media. Not a winner thou.

I guess the city awaits me to explore it. Roam around and find the places. I want to be the leader, by the time my friends visit in. This is a quaint one, and may turn out interesting. The weather pleases me, it’s same as Charlotte. Work place is nice, good folks around and a peaceful environment. Still working around the induction kid and documents. No work to do irritates me, but feel I should take it slow. It is not the old race, where you forget if its day light or dusk. I may like the whole thing, but still need to run back home. I have a whole story going in there!!!