Being rude to anyone or anything is insane coz it neither make you happy nor the receiving end. In turn it serves you with a disturbing mind. A self analysis gives me an impression that I cannot be angry or upset with someone for a longer time. Moreover I am a person who speak a lot, A LOT :-). Even if there are disputes within friends or family, I am the peace maker. Being victim of someone’s anger is very depressing. I have been in that state many a time and I know how it feels. My previous posts regarding the college lecturer is one of the case.
What made me write this post – has a specific reason. I wanted to write or rather confess about something that has happened some time back. The episode is a lot old, and hard to remember the exact details. I was doing my under graduation – Pre-Degree to be specific. I joined a Women’s college which was near my house. I was forced to join the college, as it was the same place where my Mom studied and she had lot of acquaintances. I hated the college at the first place, it looked to me like a nursery school where more than new faces, I could find people knew my whole history. Initial days were very hard, as I was not able to find much friends or rather I never invested time on it. Slowly started to jell with the atmosphere and was lucky enough to win a handful of friends who were too dear to me. We were a gang of 6 girls, and almost never allowed anyone to peek into the group.
That is when I met “Ms S” in college. Sorry for the fact that I am a bit reluctant to reveal her name. She was in the same class as I was. She tried to get close with me and my gang, which my friends never gave space for. Myself and “S” went for the same tuition classes, where we met very often. I felt it real bad for avoiding her all the whole in spite of her being really nice and caring to me. My poor heart, rather I would say –“dumb heart”, decided to take her as my friend. Later we came to know that she was a very distant relative of mine. I started helping her in studies, and stood by her whenever she had problems. My parents were not very pleased with my friendship with her and neither my friends were happy about it. I used to get scolding for getting her home and visiting her place. My friends used to constantly warn me on what a person she was and that she cannot be trusted. Irrespective of all the advices, I decided to support her.
I don’t know when things started changing and by the time I realized, it was way too late. There were lot of issues to which I was pushed into related to “S”. Many people told me about the ill words that she had spread about me. I kept defending her to the certain point till I got to witness incidents myself. It was hard for me to believe and accept the fact she could backbite on me. Some explained it as jealousy or being eccentric. It was not easy for me to forget the whole thing, as I could find no single reason for which I could have been mean to her. It took me a long time to get out of the impact as I was scared to believe anyone or anything. I had my friends standby me and support me through out.
Under Grad days were almost ending and I got into one of the most prestigious college for pursuing my engineering. I got into the branch I wanted and was very happy with the environment. “S” also joined the same college for another stream. We used to take rides in the same college bus, see each other every single day. Never have I uttered a word or pay her a distant look. She did make her best efforts to make up for the damage she had done. I never granted a opportunity that she could speak to me. There were mediators who tried to talk peace, which never went through. I can’t recollect myself being so rude and arrogant with anyone or anything. Moreover I had no regrets on what I have been doing. My college life went all great, good friends, descent marks, a handsome job when I walked out of the college. I knew that she had no good scores, no job and was going through a bad time. My marriage was fixed and I made it certain that she and her family was not invited for any of those. It was not any grudge and never have I cursed her. More than being stubborn, I had a numbness towards the whole thing. I did not want any of those memories to creep in and break my harmony. It will be a wonder if I am successful in posting this blog, as this is not the first attempt to write about the same.
It is some 10 years crossed now, there have been huge transformations in me – mostly positive and that helped me cross my kiddoo behavior. I still try to weigh it, this one still sticks to its old. Some things never change!!