A Lot Simpler......

Complicated are people and relationships. Have been there in the mesh winding myself in and out, wishing things could be a lot simpler. Wish I could lie lesser, speaking the truth, not hurting anyone’s feelings. That is difficult, as you can’t take it putting the dear ones to worry. The best and rational decisions are been questioned, and taken the wrong way. You are blamed for acting insensitive and selfish. Is it deliberately that your feelings are being over stepped, as though you have a stone heart. Or it is an oversight, if that makes you feel better. I like being strong, practical and positive, but that is not turning me to a rude person. 

The last year was a rough one with quite a few – with family and friends. Staying back in the US picking my career against my sister’s wedding – I am sure to have hurt many. But to my surprise, at the hour of being let down – my little sister was there for my support. I felt a lot proud to see her grow into sensible and poised individual. I never thought she can be there, as I have seen more of her vulnerable side before. The word-war with a close friend of mine, which resulted into a sick conversation and almost tore us apart. It just started on me being busy and not contacting her for long. It poked me when she blamed me for being selfish and work struck followed by the famous fight. I wished if she could understand, that I could not make it genuinely rather fishing for reasons and explanations.

How easy it would be to feel happy for the moment we have rather than rant around the missed past. I have seen some great individuals in life, who take life much simpler. You may say your views plain without polishing them. The word “No” is the most cursed I believe. As far as you cause no damages to people and property, a No for an answer is no harm. It is not the denial, but a humble view which demands respect and recognition. There was a time even I could not stand people being blunt and straight. Guess the growing up helped out, now as I can think through their reasons and be less painful.

Good-Bye Friend

It was you who found me

And string along me this far

You don’t get to walk away

Without giving me a chance to say

I am trying harder here to

Save the place for my friend

You are my best friend here

I am unsure if you know of that

I know it was vague and distinct

The way things have rolled

I take the lead of this play

Blame me for it all the day

But I don’t give up dear

And miss you for the lifetime

I am the best thing you have

Believe me or be blind

I find the best of words

When it turns blue and dark

Not wanting another prose

Which pulls me to the worse

I have no hope of light and shine

If I have you nowhere near

I need you here with me

To share all I have to sing

May be we are rare and the odd

And never gonna be the right

What we have is more beautiful

Than what world leads you to

I stand here and my armor down

Looking up to you for a sign

Never prove me what we had

Was not more than a little tale

All I want is to kiss you good-bye

And cuddle you with my lady luck

Let us wish each other the best of times

And shower hopes to cross again

Make me feel ready for this

Keeping my best bud so far away

So I know I’ve not lost the name

Of the sweetest one I ever knew

The Unusual and Unexpected!

This post is about that one person, a friend of mine since school. Before that would like to mention that school was not my favorite place anytime and I don’t have any ever lasting memories or people to cling on to there. I always wanted my school tenure to end and just walk out to a college. College was always fun, and I made lot of friends since then. Not drifting from the focal area here, back to the person – let me call her A. A and I have known each out for a while now – we did schooling together and little more than the school too. A is a nice person, by nature and I know that she has a very adorable and lovable personality. She takes good care of friends and make them feel wanted. She had been in and out of my life at different stages around different reasons.

 

She is that friend, who always worries a lot about your problem than hers. The one who has the quick fix or solution for the issues and the one who would stay with you around storms and hales. Don’t think I am too cruel here, coz I have my reasons. There is a big downside here – as she walks you through the wildest and crazy path which tangles up the whole situation and you basically screw up everything. She would over shadow your common-sense, which leads to idiotic decision making. At that hour you think that she is the best being there for you, but when you stand out and think loud– you realize what a damn thing just happened. I am sure that she does none of them intentionally, but that is how it turns out.

 

We did couple of events together, where things so happened that she did not turn out to be at the bright side due to various reasons. The situation was made far dramatic than required and I really felt guilty over the whole thing. This feeling really covered up the efforts I made, and the good words I had received. Then came the teenage times, flocking together with many friends.  We were together again, a phase filled with liveliness which I thoroughly enjoyed. Again here, I don’t see me affected but have seen other friends go through a lot of crap. The love-relationships, wrong choices, un-wanted arrogance with another friend S, and the famous support from A. I have seen wrong things happen, emotional parents and again the worst of troubles. Even A had her own love-affair, which was quite a roller coaster, where she linked me in and out for undue reasons. Handling people who have nothing to do with you is quite a pain.

 

I stepped into professional college, making new friends. I liked the engineering times, it did change me quite a bit – taking the baby steps into the mature life style. I was doing good there until A busted in one fine day. I was excited and happy to see her again, as it had been years since we parted. She had different stories to speak then, different people and I was quite surprised. She had me meet her new folks, and it was a bit uneasy to cop up with the new changes. I am not claiming that I was great as child to my parents, as I had been quite arrogant and rebellious way back. But I never lied nor did hide anything from them, more over never went the wrong path. A may have found my life less exciting until she rolled in the worst puzzle into my life. She started speaking to my best friend K and put both of us into the most uncomfortable situations. I took it hard, and it was quite a while I spent to get out of the mess. K being the best of my friends, did stand through the whole situation supporting me. But the whole thing was quite dangerous. I did try to unwind the whole event, at some point, could discover the mess A planted there. I was really done with A, and never wanted to have her back into my space.

 

Our paths barely crossed after that, we connected via the social networking sites but never the real contacting happened. Later heard that she got married and is settled with family. Recently did get an opportunity to chat with her for a while. All those old incidents brushed through me – there was no anger now.  I am not sure if A can make-out its about her anytime reading the post as she barely understands what she gets into. Moreover as I said, you are a person with good heart, just that I choose to be careful with that!

Wishful

I wish every morning it’s a pretty day

And  it rains to bring us joy

I wish I get to smile all day

And make you smile my way

I wish us not to hear any bad

And worry less over the sad

 

I wish to enjoy it bright and green

And hope you too find it serene

I wish to paint beautiful pictures

And work on your undone fixtures

I wish to hold hands with you

And walk against the salient  breeze

 

I wish to be there for you

When you are filled with dismay

I wish to cuddle you with love

To make you feel hopeful again

I wish to be that last one dream

Who you see the days you stay

Crossing Borders

Never thought that there will be typical differences in switching places. To be precise – East Coast to Mid-West. I always had this concept that, may it be any place you dwell in The US, things are pretty much the same. There are no bigger nuances like picking up a different language and culture as we have in India. There are subtle, still vivid differences in how things flow. I am used to the East ways as I had been stuck there all the time I was in US and dealt mostly with people who are of the same origin.

People are very soft and warm hearted. Not that folks from east are rude – I would explain it as the importance falls a bit more on the matter of business and the gestures are taken for granted. Initially I used to unknowingly give confusing looks, when people act too dear and welcoming. Though not too obvious, I am positive that they will never fail to pick it up from my expression. I am past that phase now, and more adapted to this style and it feels good. I have had folks ask me, you shifted from the east? – with a bigger “question mark” expression on theirs. May be I am expected to behave unfriendly!

If my iPhone plays loud and if it is a rap music, I get those ugly stares. Listening to rap is no sin, it is just another genre. I remember my husband say this that folks this side do not prefer rap and loud music. Most of the public stick to classics and country music. I am careful these days to tone down the volume in public places, to avoid embarrassments.

Work place attire – I am very particular with this one. May be I picked it up from my better half. Always try my best efforts to be the best dressed ones at my work place. Strict business formals and accessories and feel is nice. The first day at my work place here, I could count in my fingers the folks who were in formals. I remember spending a quality time in the morning, picking the apt clothing and brushing my shoe. Finally landed up looking like one of those snobby board members who walk into the place once a blue moon. It was a little odd in the beginning but have fit myself into a place where I am not the one to be picked odd out of the group.

There are many more such things you would notice. But they are too silly to haunt and trouble you J