Broken

Short of words may be my breath

When it crossed through me white

I knew it all way around didn’t I

But never let my spirits row down

Thought to be a winner there

Wearing my poker face all time

Never counted the tears behind the eye

Those run down while I smiled

Felt the legs failing to bear it all

Falling to the earth to take the heat

The moment of truth, too much to hold

To hear, to hold and to pull you back

I see the cracks on the glass décor

Splitting lives and dreams all around

Unsure of which broken piece of the lot

Should I claim or own up this day

Wished it was none but forged

With my eyes and ears shut to the skies

It is there, as dark as the night shows                                       

Now can I have the best story to move on?

The Transition

Was terrified even to think about it, but couldn't push it for long. The moment is finally there, the transition takes charge – being the home maker.  It used to make me wonder, on what one can be without engaging them to the real working, career stream. Major part of my life (the little life) after the studying was fueled out into working, and hence the thoughts.

While I flew back to the US after my quickie India vacation, I was trying to put together a plan. A plan to efficiently spend the new phase, staying home. The first few days was spent with the irregular sleeping patterns and random ranting. Once it got cleared up, I could see myself tucked into a pretty interesting schedule.  The cooking, the household, the reading and so is a list.

I remember having no time to spend speaking to folks ever, keeping them sad and whiny. I have that little mom-daughter chat almost daily these days. I am sure she missed it for years, coping up to the stranger me. Same with my father and sister, though not as often as my mom. Spending more time with friends – even over chat and calls, this was much missed. But things got better these days I suppose and I like it.  Especially when is about spending time with the special ones I care about.

The cooking, oh no!.... was always the very special thing I used to wrap up every other week I visit home. Else there had to be the guests or friends who used to keep me busy in kitchen. And I always complained of it being one of the toughest to execute. The schedule is pretty straightened up now. Three meals a day, I should declare myself to be the perfect house wife. My better half should be proud and happy about me (I know I am a good cook).  Moreover my timing with the whole thing is impressive, being a faster one.

The reading – I have enough time to plan and spend on the books I wanted to read all the time. The newbies and the unfinished old ones. The big house keeps me mostly engaged with the décor and its own welfare activities. Catching up on the movies which I missed to watch times back due to some random urgency that showed up at the hour. More of music, my chosen way to the sanity – I am loving it.

The next ones lined up are my schedule with the gym and a peak into learning Spanish. I know the first one is not easy to begin with and tougher to maintain with my kind of laziness. But want to give it my best trying for better results.

I should be back pretty soon with new rolling updates!!!

One Snowy Night

It snows, light and nice when you least expect it to. I see them, thinking– are they falling from the heaven for me. Do they carry a message for me – to slow down, to care, to feel and relish? Do I forget with times, that I have longed for this all my life.

It showers white, making hills of tiny silky snow. So pure and serene, they spread the scent of silk. My eyes run through the windows, gazing the silver flakes that brush all over the skies. Staying from the heights, it pretends to take me far away from the earth. As tall as the skies and as fragile like the feather and I seem floating. 

The Break Up

It is the rain and always was

That unwinds the long written

The glee and charm you spread

Felt like the perfect dream forever

 

Sunshine to me you had been

I was your perfect angel

The best of times we shared

Can be weighted to none other

 

You painted my sky blue and green

Watch me gaze and wonder

How dear were I to you

Life was long lost without the two

 

Unsolicited threads that went by

My tears still crouch for reasons

Was it me or were you the one

Was the love too much to hold

 

Hiding far and watch it break

With the heavy heart that whims

Is this what destiny painted into me

Or can it be the rough night dream!!

FIX IT NOW!!!!!

Most of us are programmed to live and behave the certain way. Speak so much, dress this way, laugh light, and breathe an inch less and what not. It is like the Clarke’s table – the numbers are fixed, and no further math stands chance. That is not how life is supposed to be, break rules and set your spirits free – live the life you deserve, no one can grab that from you.

You have something half done, which demands your heart and attention. You have toiled once for it thinking, it forms a major part of your life. You started with all the passion you could hold on to and left it when something crawled in that shadowed it. You are no quitter, pursue it and make yourself feel proud.

Do you think it is ever late to apologize for the long lost fight? It is not, you still have it hanging on to the corner of heart. Speak or say a sorry, or go a few steps down though it rubs your ego – fix it. It isn't worth to carry the bundle of sorrows around.  The relations that you can mesh back price more important than the arrogance.

You like someone and you fail to express. It may be coz of a numerous reasons – wrong timings, fear of rejection, ego or humiliation. May it be anything, don’t you think it is of any value being locked up within the chambers of your heart. Show it light and life, not guaranteeing a success, but it is far more justice. You may never know what is in store!

Were you hurt, or put to worry – you may want to stay strong and tact. With all the thorns that bruise you bad and hurt the feelings, you are free to let go. Cry loud, till it shed a river of tears, let the pain out of your system till your mind gets clean. It never makes you weak or gullible, you totally have a pass.